What’s Your Family’s Story

by | Nov 22, 2024 | Gospel

Good News

Date

November 21, 2024

Categories

Home

Gospel

Parenting

A storm is raging…

A dad, mom and their three sons are abandoned on a ship that crashes against the rocks of a deserted island. They fight off sharks, lions, live in a treehouse, defeat a band of pirates, find love, and learn that unexpected blessing is found in the rubble of defeated plans.

You have probably figured out that the story I am referring to is Swiss Family Robinson. The 1960 Disney movie version is one of our family favorites.

Your Family Story

Did you know that your family has a story? Every family has a story. That’s sort of funny to think about, isn’t it? Your story might not be as adventurous as the Robinsons, but it is no less important to your children’s future.

Could central casting put together a more interesting cast than what we have in each of our families? Consider that highly talented screenwriters could not dream up the crazy conflicts and obstacles we deal with in our families on a daily basis. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Hollywood has nothing on us.

At this point you might be thinking, “My family story is more like a tragedy. We are more like the Montagues and Capulets!” Our stories include a mix of zany, light-hearted moments, seasons of great joy and times of intense struggle, grief and pain. We all see the underbelly of what happens in our homes. Honestly, we probably see more failure and disappointment than success and joy. I have some good news.

Your Family Story Can Change

In fact, your family story will change. It must change. Each family stories is a small elongated scene in God’s far more encompassing story.

If we in Christ, then guess what? Our family story—with all of its dirt and grime—is a redemption story. This truth provides an instant change in perspective on the things that are often like the sand in our bathing suit at the beach.

That little argument with your spouse about the color of the lights on the Christmas tree, your teen’s ungrateful, snitty attitude about bringing their dishes from their bedroom to the kitchen sink, the depleted savings, the C- grades at school: every scene, every season—every moment is a scene through which the plot of redemption is waiting to be woven. This begins with a simple yet profound change of perspective. I want to share an example of how this change of perspective helped our family.

A Redemption Story

Recently the timing belt broke on my son’s car, er my car, as he was navigating rush hour traffic. That was bad enough. Then my long-time mechanic’s words, “Eric. Your car is dead” (after I had invested $ 7,000 in it over the last three years) was salt being in the wound. The real pain was in finding a replacement.

Looking for an affordable car that is in good shape and owned by someone who you hope is not a felon is mentally exhausting. It means scrolling through endless lists of clunkers, arranging a time to inspect it and the stress of wondering what you’re missing.

Leslee and I were able to engage that without the usual angry, frustrated emotions because our perspective about the whole situation changed to one of rest because we knew God was working through it.

With that change of perspective, we were able to see God’s hand in the whole matter that lasted eight weeks.

Leslee’s parents loaned Jack their car while we searched for a replacement. We found a good car an hour away and my brother who has excellent car sense happened to be available to look at it. The owners seemed honest and also accepted my negotiation on the price.

God provided a sound car, at an affordable price. Jack saw God at work for him in his hour of need. This was what we call a “Redemption Moment”.

How did that happen? How did a bad situation become a positive moment? Our family story has a new wonderful scene, a new chapter where we saw redemption when Jesus entered the story. How did Jesus enter this particular story? How can Jesus enter moments like these and turn them into redemption stories? We will talk about that next time.

Immediate Help For Your Family

Until then, I want you to simply consider that your family story is a story of redemption. When you face difficult moments, whether fleeting or longer-lasting, start looking at them as having a redemptive purpose. God is up to something good through this problem. It is amazing how that simple change of perspective helps us approach the challenges of daily life in a restful, hopeful, confident way.

Check out our latest podcast: Are Chore Charts Good?

The Most Powerful Good News Ever!

The Most Powerful Good News Ever!

by | Dec 20, 2023 | Gospel, Home, Parenting

Good News

Date

December 20, 2023

Categories

Home

Gospel

Parenting

How good is the good news to your kids? This is a question intentional parents do well to ask.

IKEA “Heck”

When I helped my daughter move into her apartment in PA four years ago, she wanted a new bed. IKEA (2 hours away) had the perfect bed at an incredibly low price. So, I drove to IKEA, bought it, brought it to her apartment, and with the help of my son who came with me, we spent two more hours putting it together only to discover that there was a very important piece missing. I immediately called IKEA and was told, “Sorry. That was a piece you should have picked up. We can’t send it to you. You have to come back to the store.” Since the store was closing in 30 minutes, we had to spend the night (something we were not planning to do) and went the next morning. After a bad night of toss and turn on the floor, we drove to IKEA and back with the missing piece. What seemed like a great deal at the beginning ended up being not so great.

The Most Expensive Cheap Flight

Perhaps you’ve been hoodwinked by one of those cheap airlines who advertise ridiculously low airfares, like $29 from Virginia to Florida. But you soon learn that fare requires you to take a 5 am flight and pay $60 for your carry-on bag. You also have to board last (which raises the likelihood that there’s no overhead space for your bag and worse that you will be in a middle seat in the back of the plane between two people, one with bad flatulence, and the other with a raging cold. (For an extra $150 you could have an aisle seat near the front of the plane.) Once onboard the bottle of water costs $ 7 (pretzels cost $ 4). That’s a lot of inconvenience, and added cost to get that cheap $ 29 flight! What looked awesome ended up being a hassle.

We all have stories like these where we’re given what seems on the surface to be good news that ends up not being all that good after all.

God’s Good News IS Good News

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is “The good news!” But I wonder if our children see it as the truly good news it really is? “The good news” often talked about does not wash with the struggles we and our kids have trying to live the Christian life.

For years, I was in doubt over whether I was really a Christian because I knew my life did not measure up to the perfect appearance and rhetoric of church and school leaders.

Yea, I’m going to heaven when I die but God sure is disappointed with how I’m living my life right now. He’ll never bless me. Will I ever change and experience “the joy” of the Christian life? Maybe I’m really not a Christian?

More Than What We’ve Probably Heard

We and our children need the truly good news found in Romans 6 that tells us that we as Christians are indeed already different. If you have faith in Jesus, a change has definitely already occurred. Here are some phrases from Romans 6:

“How can we who died…”

“Our old self was crucified with him… ”

“So, you must consider yourselves dead to sin to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.”

“…you are not under law but under grace.”

“…you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness… ”

“For when you were slaves of sin… “

“But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God…”

A change has occurred that means everything to how we live for Jesus each day.

Truly Good News is That We Are Already New; Fundamental (Although Not Complete) Change Has Already Happened

The good news is that there has already been a clear change in us who have faith in Jesus Christ. A break has been made from the past. We are no longer God’s enemies. We are his adopted children and he delights in us.

For sure, we are not perfect now nor will we be until we reach heaven. We still battle sinful thoughts, words, and deeds. But those powerful sinful thoughts, words, and deeds do not have the power to force us to do them. They do not define us. They are not who we really are.

Who we are in Jesus defines us and provides the power to continue changing. We are becoming in our thoughts, words and deeds, who we already are—in Christ. God deals with us on this basis. THIS is great news that does not disappoint.

Upgrade to First Class

This is like arriving at the airport and being told that you were upgraded to first class; you board first, the flight attendant places your carryon in the bin directly over your seat, the drinks are free, and a nice juicy steak (again, free) awaits you when you have reached a comfortable cruising altitude.

We must battle the flesh but we do so from a completely different position: grace. This is good news. Our failures do not result in a downgrade to the middle seat in coach. And, what’s more, his grace frees us to confess and repent and keep walking faithfully.

Is the Good News, Good News to Us Parents?

Is this the gospel we are mesmerized by as parents? Is this the gospel we are regularly presenting to our children, like when we read the Bible together as a family? God’s love, grace, and mercy for his people is replete from Genesis to Revelation. It is impossible to miss, but we often do because we are distracted with things like seeing what we should do but struggle to do or don’t do at all that have us in an identity crisis.

Every time we read the Bible with our children, we have the opportunity to remind them of the good news that really is good because it gives us joy and power NOW because of what God has already done. It doesn’t wait for us to do. It empowers us through the Holy Spirit to change our lives to be more like Jesus. Now THAT is good news that endures! Do our children know it as such?

Check out my latest podcast Truth Centered Families

Family Analytics

Family Analytics

by | Nov 13, 2023 | Gospel, Home

family analytics

Date

November 13, 2023

Categories

Home

Gospel

What is the best indication that our children will walk with Jesus Christ? Is it having consistent, loving correction when they do wrong? Perhaps it is making sure that a child connects with the youth leader or the preaching on Sunday. Or maybe it is just being a parent who our child tells everything, keeping no secrets. Each of our children is unique and it is sometimes hard to know what we do that is making a difference. So, what is a parent to do? Let’s turn to sports for moment for some encouraging insight- (that’s also biblical.)

“Analytics”

I admit it! I am an NFL football fan. Even if you are not a football fan but a fan of other sports, you have probably noticed an explosion in the presence of something called, “analytics”. Analytics is the use of detailed data on an individual or team’s prior actions in a given game situation that helps an opposing team gain a competitive advantage.

For example, a football team faces 4th and 1. Should the team go for the first down, punt, or kick a field goal? By consulting the “analytics” a coach can decide on a play that is more likely to succeed. It is far more complicated than that, but you get the idea. When billion-dollar sports teams are faced with in-game decisions that affect whether they win or lose, they are increasingly turning to analytics rather than their gut instincts. But what are analytics, really? At their simplest, analytics are patterns.

This is not hard to understand. Olympic gold medalist, Michael Phelps, like most elite athletes, had a very well-defined training program (pattern) that enabled him to achieve unbelievable success. It is not a guarantee, but it normally is an accurate indicator of future success.

Patterns are Irreplaceable.

Back to our homes, so, what is the point? The point is that patterns are important. What we normally do, even if it is not always done with excitement, or even done well, matters in determining what we will do in the future.

What matters most in the training of our children are the patterns we establish in our homes for relationships and training. There is no magic fu-fu. Generally speaking, we reap what we sow. Whether we sow well or sow badly, God’s mercy is always what causes the increase. But we agree that we want to do our best to be a reason for our children following Jesus. God has not left us without instruction on these matters—or hope.

Scripture Commands Patterns

Foundational parenting passages like Deuteronomy 6:7-9; And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. And Ephesians 6:4, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Speak of our parenting task as a pattern.

But starting and maintaining patterns is so hard to do today! (And we don’t have the money of a professional sports team to buy help!) Herein, though, is the silver lining for us as parents. Patterns do not demand perfection to work. Patterns by their nature consider struggle and failure. They provide a long view of success that keeps us from utter despair when life is going sideways.

Generally, We Can Expect Fruit

At Home in Him, the third in our four steps to bringing home the joy of the gospel is to reinforce the gospel through four simple patterns: reading the Bible together, prayer, scripture memory, and regular conversations. Establishing or re-establishing these and other good patterns is hard, but God uses them on his timetable to work in us and our children.

Put a premium on faithfulness. It is not a guarantee, but it can be an accurate indicator of future success. God reminds us in Galatians 6:9 that we will reap if we don’t give up. Keep seeking to be faithful in developing healthy patterns in your family life.

Check out our podcast Balance and Boundaries!

Ordinary Parenting

Ordinary Parenting

by | Sep 19, 2023 | Gospel, Home, Parenting

Manners and sanctification

Date

September 19, 2023

Categories

Home

Gospel

Parenting

I was greatly encouraged by what I read in Acts 5:12-42 this morning and want to share that with you.

To refresh your memory, Peter, John and the other disciples were being used mightily by the Holy Spirit to teach about Jesus and to do great works of healing and deliverance. Apparently, people were even clamoring just to be in Peter’s shadow (v. 15). “Multitudes” were professing faith in Jesus. Tremendous growth was taking place.

Parents, Here is The Truth

The Sadducees were hot with jealousy about this and called in Peter and John for a meeting of the minds. They wanted to get them to stop teaching about this dude named Jesus of Nazareth. They weren’t getting very far. So, they dismissed Peter and John and went into Executive Session. It was in that Executive Session that Gamaliel counseled them, “…if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God. So they took his advice.”

This period in church history was truly unique and dynamic. You can’t help but say, “WOW!” reading these early chapters in Acts. The point I want to make, however, is most definitely not to look at this and construct some formula that tries to guarantee this kind of success in the church or home. Perhaps more times like this are ahead of us. There really could be! But that is not the point.

Parents, we are Nothing More Than Ordinary

There is nothing in this passage that indicates Peter, John and the disciples were extraordinary people. There is nothing noteworthy said about their skills and abilities. They were ordinary men. Just. Like. Us. We are ordinary. The Holy Spirit is extraordinary.

What happened was the result of the proclamation of the gospel IN CHRIST and the work of the Holy Spirit. We have the very same gospel and the very same Holy Spirit at work in and though us as we read about in Acts 5! Therefore, we have every hope that God will use his powerful message to change hearts as we struggle to walk faithfully.

Parents, This is the REAL Encouragement we Need

Please consider what this means in terms of our perspective as we slog along fulfilling our parenting duties.

The gospel, spoken by us, and applied by the Holy Spirit in the hearts of our children is what’s powerful. Not us. Do we believe this?

What is the evidence that we really believe this?

Parents, Who Are You?

Are you struggling to lead your children because you are, well, ordinary? Maybe you are not gifted in your knowledge of the Word, or your ability to teach it. Good news! You don’t need to be. You have a pulse and you have a voice. God can do amazing things when we are content to be about what is important to him and doing it the way he wants it done depending on him.

Are we making it a priority to share this powerful message in our homes with regularity? Is it even an exciting message to us as parents? Does it melt our own hearts, bringing us to joyful gratitude for all that God has done for us—who if we’re honest, are far worse off than we want to believe?

Parents, We Have all the Reason in the World to be Faithful

IT IS an inherently exciting and inherently powerful message God has given us to proclaim to our children. We have great hope!

Are we praying and asking the Holy Spirit to dazzle our children with it, convincing them of God’s love, grace, and mercy poured out through all Jesus did—for them? If we believe this to be true of the gospel then we have all the motivation we need to be faithful in presenting it, teaching it, reminding our children of it, confessing it, making sure that they know it!

The gospel is the proclamation of God, who he is and what he has done for us in Jesus to ensure a loving relationship with him from now through eternity. The gospel is not just what makes us a Christian, it is the way we grow as Christians. It’s called grace! We and our children desperately need the daily proclamation of this good news.

Parents, Just Believe it and do it!

Can we really go without it? Why would we even want to? Which gospel are we really teaching our kids?

Journaling for Clarity

Journaling for Clarity

by | Sep 1, 2023 | Gospel, Home

Manners and sanctification

Date

September 1, 2023

Categories

Home

Gospel

“Busy” is a worn-out word. It is as tired as I am. But it is my instinctive response to the familiar question, “How are you doing?” It’s like the Wheel of Fortune game show when they bring up a new phrase to solve and then give the contestants the most common consonants: R, S, T, L, N and vowel: E. “Busy” is a meaningless response. Sometimes, I say “busy” because I legit do not know where to start telling them how things are really going.

There’s so much going on at my house: start of a new school year, an out-of-town rehearsal dinner and wedding, an anniversary, a birthday, a major house project, big leadership decisions, and so many activities that Leslee and I look more like a pair of New York Center air traffic controllers on Thanksgiving Eve than we do parents. It is often very hard to sort everything out and restore order in my own heart. But I have found journaling to be a great help with that.

Since the beginning of summer, I have journaled consistently most days of the week. I have journaled very inconsistently for many years. But this summer’s experience has been a huge help to my mental and emotional health. I wanted to share a little about my experience journaling to encourage you to do the same.

Benefits

Journaling helps to clear your mind. Simply writing things down allows you to get them out of your head so that you can focus on one thing. You can more easily assign priority to matters and focus on what is most important. There is also something therapeutic about seeing a visual list.

Journaling helps you to sort out what is going on in life. Sometimes what’s going on in life seems or actually is so confounding, that we can become lost without any sense of where to begin to untangle it all. In this mode it is virtually impossible to manage life well. We drift from the place of clarity and priorities, to fog and tyranny of the urgent. We are like rudderless ships in a category 5 hurricane. Worse, we retreat to victimhood.

The discipline of having to put your fuzzy thoughts into words and then sentences forces clarity. You can only write one thought at a time. This is good. You can separate facts from feelings much more easily.

Journaling provides perspective. When so much is going on in life, it is easy to lose perspective. It is easy to lose sight of direction and purpose. Over time, writing about what is happening in your life helps you begin to see patterns that you would otherwise miss because you are too busy to recognize them. When we see patterns, it provides some helpful perspective about what is really happening below the surface in our hearts. This includes our motives and our responses.

For example, I have begun to see how I tend to focus too much on what is wrong in life rather than what is right. Also, comfort and pleasure can be an idol for me, especially when I am stressed. I’m convicted by how I fail to remember who I am in Christ and focus on those riches when I am struggling most.

Tips

Pick a journal that you will enjoy using. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on a journal but get something you enjoy working with. Barnes and Noble and OfficeMax usually have attractive, affordable options.

Find a time block when you are by yourself and it is quiet. For me, that means early in the morning. I sit out on the porch (in the warm weather months) with a cup of coffee close by. I normally write before I read my Bible because it helps to clear my mind so I can focus.

Don’t force yourself to write a lot if thoughts are not flowing. Sometimes, all I do is write a few sentences, close my journal and move on after only about 30 seconds. Other days, I’ll write pages and pages for the better part of an hour. Just write what comes to your mind.

What to write. I sometimes struggle with what to write. I might just write down what I did the day before or I might write down my plans for that day. I try not to edit my thoughts choosing instead to let them flow naturally.

Sometimes, I write that the weather is cloudy and rainy and then in the next thought I write about something that happened and how I felt about it. Although I try to use good grammar, I don’t let that stop me from just letting my emotions go out through my pen.

Write for yourself. On the surface that sounds woke. What I mean is that the purpose of journaling is not to write a book, or a story about yourself for others to read. This is for you. Its purpose is to help you know yourself better so you can handle life better.

Read your journal. Reading your journal is uniquely revelatory. I find that I have re-read mine about two to three times since June. The benefits are huge and you’ll likely laugh at yourself. “Wow. I was really upset about that!” Or, “I hope no one ever reads that!” It is amazing how much easier it is to discern the patterns in your life when you do this.

It was once said, “Journaling is paying attention to the inside for the purpose of living well from the inside out.” Taking time to journal helps us evaluate what is really going on in our lives. It helps us know ourselves better and discern areas where we need to change. I recommend it.

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