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Four Ways to Make your Home a Refuge from Fear

Four Ways to Make your Home a Refuge from Fear

by | Apr 29, 2022 | Anxiety, Parenting

family

Date

Nov 16, 2020

Categories

Parenting
Anxiety

If I were a fly on the wall in your kitchen, or if I scrolled through your texts, what would I learn about how you’re handling the news these days? Banter over the news might sound less like afternoon tea with the Queen and more like a barroom brawl.

It is easy for frustration over what we cannot control (namely, most news) to degenerate into fear. Fear is a powerful tool of the enemy of our souls. As parents, we are concerned for our children that disturbing news not lead to fear.

In these contentious and uncertain days, how do we keep from allowing fear to rule us? Following are four ideas.

First, restrain “conversation” about fearful news.

Note that I did not say to not talk about the news. These days our children often know the news before we do, and we must talk about it with them. Isn’t it hard at times to find the line between righteous indignation and angry outbursts? At times, it feels justified to just vent. Afterall, I should be able to say exactly what I think in my own home. Right?

Overwhelmingly negative emotions are often a warning about where our confidence really is. I am not suggesting that a right response is easy. It is a struggle as we all know. By being mindful and restraining discussion when needed, we model the godly leadership our children need and set up the second way we can stop fear from gripping our homes.

Remind your family where our confidence is.

In writing to persecuted Christians, the writer of Hebrews says in 10:23. “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.” These believers were enduring far, far worse things than any bad news we have heard. The encouragement is to hold fast to Christ! We are not alone. God is with us. He is our confidence through to the end.

As the temperature rises, stop, and say something that breaks the emotional vortex and turns our attention back to God. “Wow, I am really struggling here. I/we need to remember that God is in control of all this.” Or “God is our refuge and strength.”

This morning as the conversation turned again to the news, I reminded my myself and my teenage son, that we are sojourners here on this earth. This is not our home. In the moment, it can be hard to say these things. My failure to say these things usually comes when I fear that saying them will sound preachy or out of touch. I have to be honest with myself and realize I also need to hear what I’m about to say. I will tell my kids, “I need to hear this too. I need you to help me remember what is true.” These are things we should be saying anyway! It is part of speaking the truth to one another in love.

Read the Word of God together.

The Word of God endures forever. It is unchanging Truth. It equips us for every good work. It is powerful. In it we find the accounts of many who have gone before us and overcome fearful challenges by faith in its promises.

Perfect love casts out fear. The word testifies to the perfect love of God. When we read it together out loud it brings calm to distressing situations. Developing a pattern of reading the word as a family prepares us for obedient living—especially in the next news cycle.

There are many Psalms that talk about God being our refuge. Over the next week, consider reading the following: Psalms 34, 62, 71, 91, 118, 142, 144 to your family. Each of these Psalms provide mental rest and emotional peace in the face of fear.

Pray for the salvation of our enemies.

It helps reorient our thinking away from people we don’t like by praying for them. This requires us to first remember our own place. We are sinners saved by grace. We need grace as much as the people we would otherwise hate in our hearts. Our sin is no less odious in God’s eyes and we have done nothing to earn anything but his judgement. Yet, we are undeserving recipients of his mercy and grace. This realization humbles us and fills us with compassion.

Last week there was a news article about a state law that would make it legal to deny care to babies that survived abortion. As I scrolled down and read the comments one particularly stood out to me:

…BABY KILLERS, DEMONIC, GOVERNMENT WORSHIPPING MARXISTS, AT LEAST WE WILL BE FREE OF THESE SOUL-LESS MONSTERS WHEN WE ARE ACCEPTED BY GOD’S GRACE INTO HEAVEN (All caps in the original post).

Certainly, a law like this is wrong and stirs righteous anger! But it’s hard to find anything redemptive in that comment. Its bitter and self-righteous. No grace there. Only judgement. God commands us to pray for our enemies. When we are humbled by our own debt and the mercy we have received, we see them differently and then we pray. Isn’t it harder to disparage someone we are praying for?

In many cases, they are afraid although that fear is masked by hostility. They act the way they do because they have no hope or feel that what their hope is in is being threatened.

This more than any other thing has helped me when I’ve wanted to stew or vent my frustrations about others. Would that I always remembered this. Pray for our enemies to come to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I doubt that’s a newsflash. But are we doing it?

Remember who we are.

Because we are objects of mercy, we can be messengers of the hope we have in Christ. We will lose opportunities to bring that message of hope if we allow our conversations at home to be driven by frustration and fear. Hope is needed everywhere, beginning in our homes! Speaking hopefully in our home equips our children to be ambassadors of hope to their friends.

Bad news will continue. But praise be to God that we have an eternal hope in Christ! Do we really believe that? Does it impact how we discuss bad news? It must so our homes will be refuges from fear.

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Second Most Important Thing a Father Can Pray

Second Most Important Thing a Father Can Pray

by | May 1, 2020 | Prayer

Does the bible contradict itself

Date

May 1, 2020

Categories

Prayer

May I suggest that after our children’s salvation in Jesus Christ, the second-most important prayer we can pray for our children is actually… a prayer for ourselves: “God, please turn my heart toward my children.”

We need to pray this prayer for at least four reasons.

#1. Our identity is one of being ambassadors of Jesus Christ to our children(Deut. 6, Eph. 6:1-4, 2 Cor. 5:20). God’s clearly revealed will is to use us as the primary evangelizers and disciplers of “our” children. To do this well, our hearts need to embrace what is already true about us: that we have been given this calling. God’s callings are His enablings.

#2. We are easily distracted by everything going on around us.Technology has made our attention spans like that of gnats on espresso. Instant gratification is just milliseconds away. Consequently, we’d rather lick the icing than make the cake. Priorities? What are those? Everything seems equal in importance. We complain about the tyranny of the urgent but in our worst moments we use it is a convenient excuse for why we rarely engage our children on a deeper, spiritual level. What do we really value most? Our hearts must change.
#3. We would rather pursue things that bring us glory.Let’s be honest. Discipling children, even with its joys, is still what sometimes feels like an odyssey into the paranormal that does more to humble us than shower us with accolades of success. We find it easier to give our time to pursuits that we find much more affirming, immediately rewarding and fun. Our hearts must change.

#4. God is conforming our children into his image, not our image.Our children were created in God’s image, not our own. Jesus’ death and resurrection ensures the transformation of his children into his image. Yet, how often do we find ourselves trying to conform them to an identity that wehave planned out for them? God has a plan for “our” children that usually looks different than our own. We have to stop the tug-of-war with God. God’s dream needs to become our dream. Our hearts need to change.

Time is short. It seems to go by ever so slowly until you wake up and realize that you’ve been at it ten years and the things you wanted to do “tomorrow” you didn’t do. Regret is hard to live with. I already regret things I should have done but didn’t because in key moments, my heart was somewhere else.

Good fathers are not perfect (as if that were even possible). Instead, good fathers are weak fathers who have hearts that are increasingly mastered not by guilt, fear, or self-righteousness but by the overwhelming, compelling love of Jesus Christ for us—in our weakness.

His love for us becomes compelling when each day we realize ALL that he has done for us in making us new creations and giving us every spiritual blessing. We have been given a new identity that is rocket fuel for us fathers.

What are you praying for as a father? Is it for God to change your heart toward your children? If so, seeing all that God has already given you in Jesus is a powerful tool he will use to answer your prayer.

All Good Things Must Come to an End… Really?

All Good Things Must Come to an End… Really?

by | Mar 23, 2020 | Gospel

the end

Date

March 26, 2020

Categories

Gospel

Have you considered that every good thing in this life must come to an end? Whether it is:

  • a great movie,
  • a vacation,
  • an outstanding glass of wine,
  • a perfectly grilled steak,
  • a double digit gains on a 401(k),
  • a youthful physique,
  • good health,
  • a holiday celebration,
  • a kiss,
  • or a sunny day…

Nothing, absolutely nothing, lasts forever. Well, except for one thing. There is one good thing that does last forever. One good thing that:

  • never loses its flavor,
  • never leaves us in debt or loses its beauty,
  • never lets us down,
  • never comes up empty,
  • never loses its ability to make us happy and joyful even in the worst of times.

It is 100% dependable. It. Never. Ends.

The “It” that I speak of is actually He: none other than God himself! Have we considered that our constant search for happiness and joy in this life comes up short because we are too focused on what we can touch, taste, see, and smell, rather than what is unseen: God himself? By Holy Spirit-empowered faith, God can be experienced and known in a way that gives us joy that changes us and changes how we respond to our challenges.

Colossians 3:1-3 says, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden in Christ in God.”

As I meditated on this passage, it was like a list of earthly joys rolled through my mind and it struck me again just how fleeting each one is. But then the Holy Spirit drew my attention to the fact that God IS. He never changes. Even though the times are ominous, he never changes.

The joy we have in God was C.S. Lewis’ focus during the dark days of World War II. He cut through the temporal joys and struck right to the heart: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Lewis’ “Infinite joy” is an echo of what God has already told us in Psalm 16:11. In referring to Himself, He says through the Psalmist, “In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

In times of persecution, the writer of Hebrews does not lament the loss of happiness nor does he try to gin-up suffering people with promises or plans for how to restore earthly joys. Instead, he brings his readers’ attention back to foundational joy: Jesus and all that he has done for them.

Let us not exchange what is true joy for what is temporary happiness.

What has God done for you? Is it more than forgiveness? Although forgiveness is essential—yes!  There is much more to be joyful about. Take a quick look by downloading Your Identity from A to Z. Or, consider Real Hope for Your Home! This short, practical book will help you see how all that God has done for you in Christ gives us enduring joy that changes us and restores relationships.

Checkout our free one week family devotional:
5:17 People Week

Listen to our podcast here:
Home In Him Podcast

Did I Get the Job Done?

Did I Get the Job Done?

by | Feb 12, 2020 | Parenting

Manners and sanctification

Date

February 12, 2020

Categories

Parenting

In January, my 21 year old daughter was the first to fly the coop.  Strike up Barbara Streisand singing “Memories” and pass the tissues.  While it has been quite an adjustment for all of us, it has not been too bad thanks to (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) the wonders of texting and the Marco Polo app.

On the morning her brother and I drove her to her new home in another state, I wrote a note to her that I planned to leave in her apartment for her to find after we had left.  (It’s the writer in me).  As I was writing, I was partially successful in holding back tears as my mind ran through 21 years of very precious memories.  I kept reminding myself, “She’s not dying or even getting married.  Get a grip!”

As I wrote, I couldn’t help but think about all the things I failed to do well or at all.  My perfectionistic flesh was really whipping me good.  Hindsight is always 20/20.

I imagine that some of you reading this have already had a child leave home through work, education, marriage, or some other reason.  As we wrestle with the changing seasons in family life, we can take encouragement from some principles in the Bible that address our performance as parents.

We are ambassadors, not saviors.

If I could do everything right, then I would not need Jesus.  It was never God’s intension to share his glory with us by making it so we could do a perfect parenting job.  2 Corinthians 5:20 says we are plain ambassadors with a powerful message.  The Holy Spirit is the only One who is able to call and change our children and he does the changing on his perfect timetable.

God’s plan takes into account our failures.

Paul says in Romans 8:28-29, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”  All things includes bad things.  God is able to use even our worst moments in his work of conforming us and our children into the image of his Son.  It’s never too late to confess our failures and ask forgiveness!  Sometimes, it takes many years, decades even, before we see how God has worked/is working through our good and bad moments—but he is working!

God restores the years that the locust has eaten.

Our failures do not define us as Christians.  God is all about redemption.  Joel 2 says that “he restores the years that the locust has eaten.”  Recognizing what I could have done better strengthens me not to repeat the same failures with my other children who are still at home.  My failures do not have to remain failures!  We can learn from them and change how we disciple our other children and grandchildren.  I can also share what I have learned with other parents, thus helping them avoid our mistakes.

We serve a God of grace and mercy.  He delights in showing mercy.  Micah 7:18 says, “Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love.”  I am most grateful that my God—our God—is like this.  It gives us great hope and confidence as we move through the different but challenging seasons of parenthood.

Checkout our free one week family devotional:
5:17 People Week

Listen to our podcast here:
Home In Him Podcast

Empty Prayers

Empty Prayers

by | Jul 12, 2019 | Prayer

Manners and sanctification

Date

July 12, 2019

Categories

Prayer

“Asking someone, ‘How Can I Pray for You’ is Bull *&%^ !”

These words were spoken to me with blunt frustration by a man after I had just taught a class on being intentional in relationships. Praying for one another was one of several practical exhortations I had made in the class. (There was more to what I said on prayer which I will get to later.) This brother in Christ had been wounded by some bad experiences.

As we talked, I was struck by what I suspect is probably the ugly and embarrassing truth about our prayer lives as Christians: we often take it for granted and become careless and lazy in our prayer habits.

Prayer for one another is an essential habit in our Christian walk. Yet, we can all relate to saying, “I will pray for you”—only to forget. Sometimes we ask for prayer without really thinking about it. It’s an easy (and expected) part of our Christian talk.

How seriously do we really take prayer? Following are three practical ideas to help us be more intentional in our prayer life.

  1. Write Down Prayer Requests

Studies show that we remember 90% of what we write down. Why not write down what people ask us to pray for? It forces clarity and helps us remember to pray. Along this line, one of the ideas I gave my Sunday school class that morning involved writing prayer requests on 3×5 index cards. Index cards are a cheap and wonderful tool. You can keep them in your pocket or tuck them in your Bible.

Make a card for each person we pray for. Put the person’s name on the top line. Beneath their name, write the date and then the request next to it. When the prayer is no longer needed, write down the date and the answer or resolution. Keep the card to add future prayer requests for that person. As you add cards for each person, you develop a powerful story; a tool for recounting God’s work through your prayers in other’s lives.

  1. Ask People to Pray For You Rather Than Telling Them to Pray For You

Have you ever had someone just say, “Pray for me” or “You can pray for me about …“. We’ve probably all done it at some point, however, without a “will you please” in front, it can come across a bit presumptuous or even demanding.  This is not so much an issue of manners as it is not taking prayer for granted. We all should remember to be mindful of the privilege prayer is. It is a gift to be able to minister to each other through prayer. It is also a comfort to know that we can ask our brothers and sisters to pray for us in times of need which in effect allows them to help us carry our burdens.

Consider that if we ask and the person says, “yes” then there is a greater possibility of them following-through which also means their prayers will likely be more intentional and effective.

Following is not so much a literal suggestion as it is a way to expose our own attitudes and expectations about asking others to pray for us. Would it ever be right to say, “No, I’m sorry but I cannot/will not be able pray for you”? The thought of that seems almost unconscionable. But consider: can we realistically pray for every request that comes our way either directly or indirectly? How many more can we add to a long and probably dusty list? At what point are we just being disingenuous?

Here’s an idea. If we’re having trouble being faithful with our current list, maybe a good alternative when asked to pray is to just stop and pray with the person for the need at that moment rather than to say we will pray later –and never do it.

  1. Report Back to People Who Have Agreed to Pray for You

For the person who is being intentional about following through on praying for our request it can be disheartening to pray especially over a long period of time and never get an update on what is going on in that situation. When no report is given, it can convey little regard for the time others invest in praying for us. Write down the names of those we ask to pray for us so that we remember to report back.

A simple report is very encouraging to see how God is working through our prayers. It builds our faith. We keep praying for the specific need. It encourages us to pray for others. It builds our unity in Christ. Frankly, it also helps us to be more serious about asking others to pray for us. We realize there is a cost to them: their time that we should seek to honor.

Evaluate Our Prayer Habits

Prayer is a powerful and effective weapon. God instructs us to pray. He promises to hear our prayers and to answer them. It is good therefore to evaluate our prayer habits and to try to correct areas where we have waxed lazy and unintentional.

Whether we’re asking for prayer or agreeing to pray—it is a sacred privilege; a treasured part of our identity as members of God’s family that helps to build our oneness in Christ.

Checkout our free one week family devotional:
5:17 People Week

Listen to our podcast here:
Home In Him Podcast